One Red Balloon

You might not believe me, but this heart-shaped red balloon full of helium has been floating against our ceiling for more than two weeks! Just one more and it will have served valiantly as a Valentine's Day decoration. Even if it doesn't make it that long, I think it's served its purpose. How could I ever feel deflated throughout my day in the midst of this cheerful balloon that won't quit?

Of course, maybe the memory of Nicole singing karaoke to "99 Red Balloons" in German is another reason I smile at the sustained sight of just this one.

Yes, a silly balloon reminds me to persevere, that the best things in life are free (this one is from a birthday party), and that what goes up...

Snail Mail SWAK

The girls have been dealing with Brian's deployment very well so far. Experts say children, even toddlers and preschoolers, can act out in sometimes nonverbal ways to express their concern about a deployed parent's departure. But because Sydney and Miranda seem to be verbalizing their thoughts and feelings, I'm starting to think my girls understand more than people, myself included, would generally give them credit.

We had many "prep" talks a few weeks in advance, of course, which maybe helped their understanding. Then in the two weeks before deploying, Brian went to work on the ship each day and came home, and every couple of days Sydney would ask, "Is Daddy coming home for dinner today?" She anticipated one day he wouldn't be coming home and wondered if this was the day. (We told her we'd give her a little notice, so she didn't have to worry!)

Even Miranda at times will--out of the blue--confirm that "Daddy's on a ship" in a tone that is somewhere between a statement and a question, as she positions her face directly in front of mine to get my attention, listen to my words and I suppose, read my expressions. I am always impressed when she's engaged in this special, direct way and it shows me she understands and is committing to memory more than I realized.

So rather than give Mommy extra grief, thankfully Sydney chooses to channel her thoughts of and feelings for Daddy into her crafts. (Miranda makes crafts too, but is not as interested in being creative as Sydney is, so I try to get away with doing crafts during her nap.)

Since Sydney's really into writing and mailing letters, I was excited to point out to her that we could mail letters to Daddy to make him feel better about being away from home. To encourage this, I did supply them with a few new tools to make these special letters for Daddy, including plenty of paper, blank cards, envelopes, Valentine stickers and decorations, and a few new rubber stamps--my favorites say "Snail mail" and "SWAK." Since that's literally what we're sending to Brian.

So, in the past 2 weeks, Sydney's created at least 10 different cards or letters, all of which she has placed in separate envelopes with her name sprawled in huge letters all across the front--leaving no room for an address. I'm now teaching her to leave the front blank for an address, AND trying to convince her to consolidate the cards into fewer envelopes to save on postage. And if that doesn't work, I will have to add some "Daddy wants to save a tree" logic. But I'm not sure if her artistic license will let her deviate from her creative vision and allow such logical practicality. Time will tell! (This drawing is a playground for Daddy's ship!)

And apparently even more time will tell if Brian gets his homemade treasures in time for Valentine's Day (and then his Birthday)! There is a steady stream of them on the way, so odds are good.

USS Nassau Making Headlines

Today Brian informed me the local news would be covering a heartwarming story from the USS Nassau (Wavy 10 and WVEC 13). A 2-day old Haitian baby who was delivered to Brian's ship for medical care was reunited with her mother last weekend after more than a week apart.

What the news article doesn't tell you is that it is even more of a blessing that she has been able to begin breastfeeding about 10 days post-delivery. As Brian pointed out to me, this is key because this poor baby would have had little chance for survival if the mom had not been able to breastfeed; typical resources before the earthquake didn't allow for the luxury of baby formula. So, I am relieved to hear his good news, in addition to the reunion news! The article also doesn't mention what a blessing Brian is to the Nassau and to Haiti, so I will! Keep up the great work!

Gearing Up at Home

If you'd have seen this image two weeks ago, maybe you'd have thought this was the flag of Japan. Nope, Brian whipped up this deployment calculator in Excel to help us track his deployment progress. I continue to find the red pie chart nothing short of alarming. It's only been 2 weeks since he left. But I imagine it'll get less overwhelming as time goes on; I guess it already is. Maybe it depends on how you look at it....after merely two weeks (and a day), Brian's chart informs me that the deployment is 8% over, which is more than half way to 10%, which just seems more substantial, so that's something, right?

Of course, I realize this logic assumes their return date isn't altered by any unforseen circumstances, such as their detour to Haiti...we shall see. I can't let myself get bogged down in the details.

At home, the girls and I have an old fashioned tool for counting down--a calendar, which Sydney crosses off each day with a pink marker, of course. Before he left, Brian also supplied us with some Hershey's kisses, and we filled a large jar with about 4 months worth of "kisses from Daddy" for both girls, with the assumption they won't get one quite every day...that'd be 209 pieces of chocolate each, which seems like too much. Besides, if these kisses are anything like vitamins, we're lucky if I remember to give them to the girls once a week.

The girls also have their "Daddy books," a photo flip book that I made with pictures we took with Brian while touring the USS Nassau to tell a simple story about where Daddy is (on his ship, the USS Nassau with Sydney's number, "4"), where he's going (Middle East), why (to help America and other countries), and when he'll be home (in the summertime, when we can go swimming).

And let's not forget their "Daddy Dolls," which generate quite a few snickers and jokes (I can still hear Jill laughing now...), but have seemed to offer quite a bit of comfort to the girls, especially with Brian's photo on the front and his 10-second voice message the girls can play on demand. They like to sit with "Daddy" in his favorite leather chair in the living room.

So, we are prepared and ready for the long haul, as much as we can be, anyway. In some ways, it's been easier than when Brian's coming and going, since I know I have to have stamina and patience to last 7 months and there's no one else who can do it for me. I don't find that the girls have been acting any differently (besides talking about Daddy's whereabouts in a good way, such as saying prayers for him). So I am thankful for that and it renews my confidence each day. But sometimes the usual daily challenges can still get to me, and family and friends have also been checking in on me quite frequently and giving me things to look forward to (like my cruise in 4.5 weeks!), which helps a lot and I really appreciate it!

"D (Deployment) Day"

Brian's deployment on the USS Nassau began two weeks ago, on January 18, 2010. Family members were able to board the ship the morning of his departure, which I didn't realize is a rare opportunity. Even though we've been on the ship before for a tour, it was nice being able to walk him all the way onto the ship and for the girls to see this is where he'd be for the next 7 months--not that they understand exactly how long that is.

After spending about an hour together, we said our goodbyes slightly before we were forced to, just to end the feeling of impending loss. I think I held it together pretty well, as I usually like to--despite the fact that I'm a sympathetic crier and there were many blubbering people surrounding us.

But I was surprised by the sudden lonely, sad feeling that swelled as I walked through the gangway on my way off the ship--alone and holding both tiny girls' hands, tears streaming down my face. Never before had we left the ship without Brian and it just didn't feel right. Luckily, the cold wind whipping down the pier between the ships crossed my face and dried my tears, slapping some sense back into me. I keep telling myself about the many other military spouses who experience deployments, some many more than we'll have to experience, so we, too, will get through this temporary situation...which hopefully is bettering the world, especially since the ship was diverted to Haiti to help with earthquake relief. So, I wish him fare winds and following seas, and lots of prayers.

I'm Back!

Don't know why I just haven't felt like blogging. Number one reason is, not sure my Norfolk life is all that worthy of a blog after having lived in Japan. But I guess I just need to get over that...it is what it is. Number two, if I'm honest, is too much FB! Also too busy with the girls maybe, or at least exhausted. And if I have down time after I get the daily housework done and allow myself some time, I want to spend it on my too many hobbies/projects that I've lined up for while Brian's gone. Usually I'd rather read my kindle (reading Shanghai Girls now, which is good, but a "harsh" reality), or figure out how to start sewing my first quilts/duvet covers for the girls' beds. Oh, and there's putting my past blog into book form for myself, that is definitely on my list of things to do. And I haven't even touched on the guilt I feel most days for not buckling down to earn my continuing education hours before tackling most of the above...

But I've been thinking that I've wanted to make a come back and blog to share about Brian's deployment, if for no other reason than as a keepsake for myself. And judging from the last blog, that's when I am most engaged in my blog, when I do it for myself and not for anyone else who may or may not be reading it.

But, in all honesty, thanks is in order to Kathleen, who recently pointed out that fall is long over, and winter is well on it's way, so I better get blogging...so, with a little fire under my butt, I'm back!

Fall is a Blur--Is It Over Yet?

I know there are still several weeks, even months, of fall left. But when Brian's only going to be home in time for Thanksgiving and then Christmas, it seems my favorite season is all accounted for, and in some ways, all over, since he left today for nearly a month.

It's kind of ironic that I'm all but wishing fall away this year, since I usually feel it passes too quickly. Some of my favorite things about fall are the warm days and cool nights, leaves as beautiful as a vibrant sunset, the smell and sounds of dried leaves under my feet as I enjoy being outdoors, a resurgence of apple and pumpkin foods, and the string of October and November birthdays that makes the season even more nostalgic for my family.

Of course life goes on when Brian's not here. Even some fun things, for the girls and for me. For example, we have 4 friends' birthday parties to go to in the next 3 weekends. Then there's Sydney's birthday, Halloween and trick or treating, my birthday, and Miranda's birthday. And I definitely enjoy spending my evenings reading a book or watching my favorite "chick show" (Brothers and Sisters on DVD, thanks Kathleen for getting me hooked!) But fall to me is just not living up to its potential when we're not getting out with the whole family for some outside fun, to make our own family traditions, especially now that both girls are more cooperative for outings.

Well, there's hope for us this weekend, since Nana and Aunt Laura are coming to visit (to celebrate their October birthdays!) As long as it doesn't literally rain on our figurative parade, we'll go to the pumpkin patch for hayrides, a petting zoo, and bouncey houses. No need for pumpkins though, I already have a couple--literally and figuratively.