Fitting in with "the Real Navy"

In largely general terms, there's the sense in the Navy that people who have worked their way up through the ranks in the "real Navy" look lightly on those who "slid" into officer's jobs easily (like Brian). And even more than that, military and war-related commands seem to exude a VIP attitude over auxiliary commands (those serving the needs of the "real Navy's" family, like Medical).

But who can blame them? The "real Navy" is a tough workplace. Being lower in the chain of command could leave anyone feeling powerless. You earn less money. You get less recognition. You are following the many rules at work and the Navy even has control of many of your actions outside of work. For example, lower enlisted ranks are not allowed to own cars on bases overseas. And, if you're caught in adultury or drinking-related violations, you're kicked out and lose your job (thankfully, this is true for enlisted and officers alike!) Not that I'm condoning these actions, but would your civilian employer even find out and more importantly, would they care if it wasn't happening at work?

Of course the "real Navy" may also include people who have crossed over from enlisted to officer by earning college degrees, usually while working without the carefree luxuries of many typical college students.

Most of the "real Navy" folks commit 20+ years until they retire. This career will yield some recognition slowly but surely as they rise through the ranks, if they keep to the straight and narrow, flying under the radar. They'll earn a pension and full medical benefits for life for their families. They may explore the world as they PCS (Permanent Change of duty Station; it's code for "moving") every 1 to 3 years. It's very admirable that they serve their country with their entire lives, working often in the bowels of ships, deploying in wartime, leaving families behind, even getting wounded (or worse--killed).

But then again, where else would, for example, a shooter or a cryptologist find civilian work? They're stuck in the military with their very military-specific specialties. It's a life that they chose, but somewhere along the way, this life chose them and there is no turning back. They are the "real Navy" whether they like it or not.

But maybe if you only look at things on these general terms, there will always be a "them" and "us" attitude within the Navy. It seems the only way to deal with this undercurrent is to try to ignore it because it is not productive. And then interact with humility and respect on a personal level, which is one of Brian's strong suits. In other words, he's not your typical doctor or your typical "slider."

And if I ever find out there's a spouse's group on Brian's ship, I hope they realize I'm down-to-earth, too. Many great mentors in the COMPASS program (Navy spouses mentoring newer spouses about the military ways of life) have shown me that there is always something other than--and more important than--rank to relate us. Then there's my friend Kathy, who is not your typical Captain's wife, and maybe the best testimony to this is the fact that she's my only friend who's a Captain's wife. But what I admire most about her is the way she mingles with everyone, reaches out to those who need it, and finds something in common. I'm hoping it's a skill and not a gift...so there's hope for me. I know it's too much to ask to find someone like her in Norfolk.