The Other Half

Our Crestfallen Balloon

2010-04-27T19:19:00.005-04:00

Well, in case you were waiting with bated breath, it finally happened. The freebie, shiny heart-shaped balloon taken home from a birthday party in January finally took a turn for the worse just before Easter. Shortly after this photo was taken, it deflated completely and sank to the table like the head of a person with a heavy heart.

But no worries, I don't know what that's like. At least not completely. Though, I do have my moments with Brian gone. But when Sydney shares her own moments of missing Daddy, after the initial pang of empathy passes, I am at least able to appreciate what sensitive, bright girls we share and that--plus knowing this separation is relatively temporary--helps me deal.

Of course Sydney often says, "I miss Daddy," or calls him on her play phone. But there have been several times when she's said things that make me skip a beat. They've been increasing in frequency--probably not a coincidence since lately it has been feeling like a lifetime's passed. Yet we are at least approaching the half-way point of the deployment this week!

There's the time early on when she was roughhousing with her friend Ella's daddy, and she said she really missed her Daddy, because he always plays with her after dinner and flips her upside down.

Then on the plane coming home from visiting Sydney and Julia this past Saturday, she was actually wondering if Daddy would be at home waiting for us. And even when I told her he wouldn't be, she wanted to wait and see...her faith nearly broke my heart. Then when he wasn't there, she sounded sad and said, "Well, I just wish he would come home soon."

Even Sunday, when we had scrambled eggs she said, "Daddy thinks I don't like eggs. But I like them now. I can't wait till Daddy's home so we can have eggs for 'breastfast' (what she's always called breakfast and we can't bring ourselves to correct her) with him again."

And just today after explaining the difference between summer camp and camping, as much as she liked the idea of swimming every day at camp, she was more excited about the idea of camping on the beach when Daddy comes home at the end of summer. Roasted marshmallows would only sweeten the deal.

So, during this deployment if my head sinks to the table, it'd be because my head, not my heart, is heavy (and full of things to do/remember). And my heart? I'd say it's light, yet full.

I'm Finished With My Labor of Love!

2010-04-11T21:35:00.007-04:00

Lately, it feels like I've done all I can for Sydney--she's been very defiant lately, especially when out in public. But I realize I'm not anywhere near finished with her. Just the bedspread she's laying on.

It only took me 3 months to finish it, but as of late last night, I am done!

I started thinking it through just after Brian left. Took a couple weeks to pick out the fabric online, except the cherry blossoms print, which I bought in Japan. Nearly a month of research and online window shopping to figure out how I wanted the bedspread to look (and to abandon the quilt idea and opt for a duvet cover instead). Then another month, little by little, to figure out how to get it that way without a pattern (remember, I only bought a sewing machine a year ago.)

Then of course, I didn't find time to work on it every day. And when I did, it was between 8 and 10pm--time usually spent with Brian. It's been a small consolation while he's away to do something new I enjoy that happens to be productive and creative to fill the the time we usually spend together.

So, next, I need to make a pillow cover and valences and maybe buy/spruce up a bedskirt to finish the girls' room, hopefully before it's time to move again!

And yes, of course Miranda will be getting a matching bedspread, but she won't even be getting the big girl bed till she's potty trained (her incentive)...I'm hoping I have another three months, but I think I better get started just in case 1) she's a quick learner, or 2) Sydney kicks her out of their shared room, thereby eliminating the need for matching bedspreads...

Easter

2010-04-11T21:03:00.015-04:00

The girls and I had a great time at Nana and Grandpa's house in NC for Easter. First time in three years we've spent it with family! Second time in two years we've spent it without Brian!

And we got to stay most of the week since it was spring break from preschool, too.

We colored Easter eggs just after we arrived.

We were glad the Easter bunny found us in NC (although Miranda wouldn't pose with her basket or wear her bunny ears from last year!) And they wore Easter dresses and we went to church (although Miranda wouldn't wear her Easter bonnet! Are you seeing a tend here?)

The girls enjoyed pretending to be musicians--first the piano (singing "Hosannah in the Highest" over and over because they forgot the rest of the words)...

Then playing their new "guitar" also brought much entertainment during spring break!

We had a few outtings, like to the park for a picnic and the awesome Children's Museum, where the girls really had fun playing tea party on a train. And Sydney enjoyed playing post office, uniform and all!

Then, it was time to come home. And as always after several days of having fun, company, and help with the kids, it took me a down day to pout and get back into our usual routine. Which will be thrown out the window when we leave for "Sydney Watts and Julia's house" in four days, which is definitely a good thing!

Our Cup of Tea

2010-03-30T20:21:00.009-04:00

Our neighbor Deane invited us to be her guests to an annual Tea Party fundraiser at her church, which is three blocks from our house. Even though we frequently bust out the good china for "real tea parties" at home, the girls were ecstatic to get dressed up and leave the house for a real tea party.

So, thanks to Nana, they had their Easter dresses and matching hats for such a party--pity Miranda wouldn't wear her hat! Or her necklace. But Sydney was proud to sport both her hat AND the 300-yen pearls I bought for her at the Yamato shrine sale in Japan last year.

And they both brought their best manners to the party, which is always nice. But this is likely a result of their favorite foods and entertainment: fancy sweets and crafts. They drank "real" black tea (after maneuvering the tongs to plunk two lumps of sugar into their cups), ate cucumber sandwiches and mini cakes, and created an Easter basket craft. It was fun for my girly girls!

Happy Anniversary to Us!

2010-03-20T14:44:00.010-04:00

March 20th was our sixth wedding anniversary. I say it like that, because this one wasn't exactly "celebrated" in the usual sense, what with Brian on a ship and so much distance between us. But, we each had what I'd call exceptional days.

Brian's was special because the ship was celebrating her first 45 days--the period after which each person is allowed to drink 2 beers in a roped off area on the flight deck (the "beer garden"). Only this celebration actually took place on the 65th day, so, it was long overdue. As luck would have it, Brian was overseeing an emergency surgery, so he joined the "steel beach party" a tad late. But even then, he managed to score a couple of Yuenglings, while everyone else in his department seemed to be relegated to Bud Light or Coors Light. So, all in all, not a bad day--as far as days go on a ship. I like to think he drank (at least one of those beers) to our great marriage.

But even though I know he didn't, he did call, and even sent a very cute and delicious cookie bouquet for me and the girls to celebrate (eat) together. It said "To my honey" on one flower and "Happy anniversary" on the heart in the middle. Very sweet.

And my mom happened to be here helping me for a week, so we girls had a great day outside at the zoo with a picnic lunch. And then we all went out for dinner at A.W. Shucks along with my neighbors for some great seafood. So, all in all, a fairly good day--as far as days go without Brian around.

The fact that our wedding anniversary is always on the first day of spring has never brought me as much comfort as it did this year. The memories of our warm, sunny wedding day flooding my mind, the sunshine warming our days this March, the flowers coloring our world around us, two girls budding into beautiful people before my eyes...and maybe it's these things that are improving my mood. Or more likely, it's also that we are one season closer to summer, or Brian's return, when we can get back to sharing our normal way of life.

A Care Package from Daddy

2010-03-15T10:48:00.008-04:00

We were walking out the door to go over to my friend Beth's house (another family missing their Daddy on the USS Nassau), when we spotted a box addressed to Sydney and Miranda. We grabbed it and immediately made a U-turn back inside. Nothing is more important than hearing from Daddy!

Sydney made sure to point out, "Mommy, your name is not on there, just Miranda and me." So, she insisted on opening it herself, with her purple scissors (with a tiny bit of help for safety's sake).

Tucked inside right on top, was this initial note from Daddy:

Of course, I later teased Brian about his "brutally honest gift tag"...was it really necessary to tell the recipients of the gifts, let alone a 4-yr old and 2-yr old, they were free? To which he replied, laughing, "Yeah, I guess everything is free to them!" Not exactly my point, but definitely true!

But, I digress...both girls were seriously excited to get mail from Daddy! Sydney took charge of opening their letters, while Miranda tried to figure out what these small, round camouflage things were.

Miranda lost interest as quickly as they popped open into one-man tents! But Sydney hopped right into hers, zipped it up, laid down and asked for her sleeping bag!

Then, since there are two of course, I popped open the second one right away--which came with a bonus gift of Deet bug repellent cream! But wouldn't you know, Miranda wouldn't get in hers. Not to mention, one is plenty big enough for both girls anyway, and eventually after Sydney's urgings, she inched her way in next to Sydney, all the while guarding the zipper to make sure it stayed open.

So...now I just have to figure out how to fold the second one back up. It looks the first one has become a permanent fixture in our house for the next five months. Thanks, Daddy!

Cruising to Nassau

2010-03-09T12:49:00.019-05:00

While Brian's on his Nassau cruise, I somewhat ironically cruised to Nassau. Kathleen said, "Let's go on a cruise to the Bahamas; I need to go somewhere warm, we need to have a reunion, AND we'll call it a deployment distraction for you." To which I said, "Sounds good to me," of course, without realizing until it was booked that the one port we'd be stopping in was NASSAU, of all places. So, the cruise with girlfriends to take my mind off of the deployment forced me to realize it is not physically possible to take my mind off the deployment. Isn't it ironic? But it was indeed something to look forward to, and Kathleen, Darlene, Kim and I had a great time catching up and relaxing together, even if it wasn't all that warm!

We all made it to the ship as planned by Friday afternoon--two out of four of us later than planned (not me, seen relaxing with a "Bahama Mama" in photo above), with melodrama that rivals any Lifetime movie. But one "Loving Cup" shot later (compliments of Darlene), we were well on our way to sharing a relaxing time together. So, it's no surprise that we drank a bit.

And we ate a ton (but here Kim just poses, we were too full to eat one bite from this midnight buffet!)

We shopped (and window shopped) a little.

We relaxed on a beautiful beach (Atlantis, Paradise Island), after lathering on the sunblock, of course. After all, two of us arrived with our tans in tact!

While the other two accidentally seared in the sun!

One of us took her chances at blackjack and doubled her money, winning herself an all-onboard-expense-paid trip...while another doubled her onboard expenses by opting for a guaranteed win: a fabulous "aroma stone therapy" massage!

I'll stop there, before I feel too guilty. Because no doubt, my Nassau cruise was way more fun than Brian's. And was over way quicker.

Phewww...Ballet is Off to a Good Start

2010-02-23T22:21:00.011-05:00

In case you hadn't heard, Sydney was all but kicked out of gymnastics about a year ago. Well, I exaggerate. But to make a long story short, her attention span/interest level was lacking compared to her peers and what was supposed to be fun for her had turned into a lesson in futility and anxiety for me. And I didn't exactly care for the dynamics of the class and teacher, for that matter.

(The long story is this, if you're interested: Parents were asked to wait downstairs in the more structured class we were trying, so when Sydney had a tantrum the first day--about not getting to sit on the purple dot, which doesn't surprise me--the teacher sent for me. But when I arrived, Sydney was on the sidelines too upset and too young to communicate fully and I had no idea how to handle it because the teacher was carrying on with the class. So I didn't know exactly what had happened from the teacher until later that night by email. The bottom line is this: if you're not willing/able to redirect a 3-year old during a gymnastics class, you'd better let the parent stay in the room so they can observe what happened.)

So, I took her out of the gymnastics class and went straight to Brian's office to have her diagnosed with ADHD. And while he told me it's too early to tell, he did give me a handout on ADHD, which fit her to a T. So, ever since, I've been a little worried. But I take comfort in the fact that my mom always said I had the "attention span of a gnat" when I was a toddler/preschooler, so I figure there's hope for her! (If you consider me "normal," that is...)

Anyway, Sydney was a natural at ballet today, which was a delight and a bit of a relief. She's petite, she's girly and loves pink, she only wants to wear dresses, and she loves to twirl around on her pointed toes to classical music! If only the biggest girl in the class hadn't accidentally elbowed her in the ear right before the cool down, she might've made it all the way to the end of the first class! Regardless, we'll be back for more. But not tomorrow, as she'd hoped.

Brian's Virtual/Remote 35th Birthday Party!

2010-02-21T07:30:00.000-05:00

Ever since we mailed Brian's birthday care package off to him about three weeks ago, Sydney and Miranda have been very concerned that Daddy is not home for his birthday--and more importantly, that he is not getting a birthday cake. So, instead of making a real one to eat in his absence (most of which I would end up eating), I decided we would have a pretend virtual birthday party for Daddy! The girls were more than okay with this because I never discussed with them the option of a real cake just for them without Daddy...

Here's the 2-dimensional cake and a message Sydney drew for Daddy. (I only drew the ovals to get the cake started and helped her spell as she made all the letters herself.) She was quick to fold it and hopped up out of her chair, ready to squirrel it away in an envelope, but I quickly rescued it and told her we needed to send it to Daddy on the computer.

Then after Miranda's nap, we pulled out all our props to really get the party started. First, as of Sydney's 4th bday, no family birthday celebration would be complete without our family "Happy Birthday" banner. Next, of course we had to have our Daddy dolls attend the party, since they are the birthday guests of honor (one is even wearing a Hello Kitty party hat). Finally, we couldn't have the birthday party without the cake, so Sydney and Miranda whipped up this delicious (multicolor peg board) cake, which Sydney's been pretending is cake with candles since she was Miranda's age.

Next they sang Happy Birthday to Daddy--well, Miranda got stage fright as usual. That was the only part that was my idea, the rest they improvised! But my favorite part was when Sydney stated how old she thinks Brian is, very matter-of-factly, yet very incorrectly... (Brian, I promise I didn't tell her what to say...watch it on FB for a good laugh, I couldn't get it to upload here)!

Happy Birthday, Brian! We miss and love you, we hope you have a memorable birthday, and we hope that that nice, good cook scrounges up some real cake for you on your birthday! But if not, hope you take comfort in ours!

Rude Awakenings

2010-02-20T08:46:00.007-05:00

I promised blog rants, and now I will deliver.

There is perhaps nothing more irritating than being awakened by my own children. And I consider myself a morning person. I wouldn't mind waking up by 6:15 am, if it was on my terms. But the way in which I am awakened is truly rude and I have to put a stop to it. If only I knew how...

Brian knows the drill, it happens when he's here, too. And even then they won't desist until I give in, get up, and answer their beck and call. Though, when Brian's not next to me, insert Mitch lately hogging more than his side of the bed. Miranda's the first greeter to arrive by 6:15 am. She squeezes into bed on my side, and at least quietly, plays listlessly with the sheets as she wakes (us) up.

Sydney storms out of her room and stumbles down the hall not more than 10 minutes later. And when she finds there's no room for her, she begins whining/screaming, which continually escalates when you tell her she's being cranky and rude and to go downstairs or back to bed. I'd even left out Cheerios on the table and cups of milk in the fridge for them, to no avail.

Who wants to stay in bed after that? So, usually I get up and regreet my life of servitude. But today, I jumped up, told them both to get in my bed (they did), and escaped to run downstairs to put the TV on. They followed whining/screaming of course, and then I wrapped them both on the couch in a blanket "nest" (separately, of course), put their milk on the table, and went back upstairs to try to regroup and watch a little news from my bed.

Problem solved? No. In just 10 minutes, Miranda had spilled her Cheerios all over the couch and had climbed into Sydney's nest. So, Sydney screamed at her and when that didn't work to get her out of the nest, ran upstairs screaming to me. Gooooood Morning to me.

Oh, it gets worse. They're now eating their second breakfast. (Yes, I realize I've created these monsters.) They each have a waffle, Miranda's on her second. When I ask Sydney if she wants more while she's looking right at me (with a glazed over look), she turns back to the TV and ignores me. I HATE THAT!!! So, I ask her two more times, raising my voice to the point of screaming when she finally turns to look at me. So, I send her to time out and tell her she may not have another waffle, she can finish the Cheerios that she didn't eat. Of course then she starts crying/whining that she wants a waffle. But I know from too many past experiences that if I make her one, she will not eat it, it's just a game to see if I give it to her. So, no way. Not today--even as mentally exhausted as I am this morning.

So, what's worse than being rudely awakened by your children? Being blatantly ignored by them. With a lot of fighting and whining in between, we've gone from one extreme to the other this morning! And there are few things as disrespectful and demoralizing and I'm sick of it--I was even before this particularly awful Saturday morning.

What have they been doing even as I write this? Fighting, whining, demanding intervention...

So there you have it, I'm having a bad day and it's only 9am, and I don't know how I'm going to get through it...or the remaining 6 months for that matter. Don't worry, I won't do anything crazy. But I may not come back from my cruise in two weeks. :)

Any other suggestions in the meantime?

Taking This Show on the Road

2010-02-17T14:03:00.012-05:00

The girls and I (and Mitch) took this show (a circus, really) on the road to spend four days at Nana and Grandpa's over the long weekend. It was an added bonus that we had company on Valentine's Day to detract from the everyday-plus-holiday void we feel because one member of our family (my Valentine, in particular) is long gone on deployment.

It worked, we had much more fun than had we been alone at home. It even started snowing shortly after we arrived and we woke up to two inches on the ground Saturday morning. But it quickly melted, so it didn't keep me from heading out to do some cruise-related shopping--alone! And the girls were happy decorating Valentine's cookies and doing a special art project with Nana.

When the structured activities were done, the girls pitched a tent in the living room. And while snacking on bananas, they regressed to their babyhood--Miranda in the high chair and Sydney in the doll crib, both of which were mine when I was their age. Who needs dolls? But if we did, fortunately we brought our own, because still, no one will touch the vintage Cabbage Patch doll. (Twenty-five years or so later, I don't know why I'm just now seeing how they could be considered creepy.)

Just when we thought we'd received enough love on Valentine's Day, we came home to a few more tokens of love that had arrived in the mail...a dozen red roses from Brian, a care package of Valentine spa treatments from Aunt Laura, and lollipop bouquets from Aunt Cindy and Uncle Bruce!

And that silly balloon, in case you were anxiously awaiting a status update, was still flying high and showing no signs of surrendering, even though it's lost a little puffiness. I should be so lucky during this deployment...

Precious Valentines

2010-02-11T20:31:00.009-05:00

Sydney and I had fun making these flower lollipop Valentines for her classmates. They are made with 3 heart cut-outs, overlapping with a mini Tootsie Pop (which I didn't know existed until today) stuck through to form flower petals. I cut most of the hearts out, and left 3 for Sydney to cut. She did a great job, better than I realized she could with all those curves, but that was plenty for her before she lost interest and complained that her hand hurt! Then she moved on to decorating them with stickers and the tags, which I'd also stamped in advance (again, to speed things along for my own sanity). Before we knew it, we had a bouquet! Red for the boys, pink for the girls, of course.

Miranda was also eager to help, and assigned herself the job of determining how quickly a child could rip off the flower petals and reach the center of the mini Tootsie Pop--probably broke some records there. Needless to say, we moved them out of her reach in record time; the lollipop flowers, seeking higher ground, joined the remote control and the cordless phone.

I like to think the flowers resemble plum blossoms, in bloom in Japan now most likely, although I don't expect anyone else to notice the abstraction (especially since ours have six petals, instead of five). But they made me nostalgic for Japan.

As did a trip to the mall this week. It occurred to me, once again, that a gourmet supermarket in the basement of a department store--with half regular groceries, half fabulous prepared foods vendors like in Saikaya in Japan--should've caught on in the US by now. (Not to mention the yummy sesame salad dressing one buys in such a Japanese market...nothing in America compares.) Japanese supermarkets are one-stop shopping at its best! I would definitely pay a little extra to not have to drive to a mediocre grocery store after shopping the mall for a couple hours. Is it just me? Is it only because I have two young, therefore, relatively needy children that I consider my time precious?

I don't think so. If I had more time because my children were older, one thing is certain--they wouldn't be letting me spend half my day or even a minute making silly Valentines, and cut-out heart cookies with them. But I know I'll still find my time with them later as precious as the time we've shared this week. But I realize that's because they're precious themselves, the epitome of love.

"Yes, mama, my frosting is all gone and my cookies are bare. So, I like a little cookie with my frosting. You knew this about me and still gave me my own cup of frosting..."

One Red Balloon

2010-02-08T15:47:00.001-05:00

You might not believe me, but this heart-shaped red balloon full of helium has been floating against our ceiling for more than two weeks! Just one more and it will have served valiantly as a Valentine's Day decoration. Even if it doesn't make it that long, I think it's served its purpose. How could I ever feel deflated throughout my day in the midst of this cheerful balloon that won't quit?

Of course, maybe the memory of Nicole singing karaoke to "99 Red Balloons" in German is another reason I smile at the sustained sight of just this one.

Yes, a silly balloon reminds me to persevere, that the best things in life are free (this one is from a birthday party), and that what goes up...

Snail Mail SWAK

2010-02-06T20:40:00.000-05:00

The girls have been dealing with Brian's deployment very well so far. Experts say children, even toddlers and preschoolers, can act out in sometimes nonverbal ways to express their concern about a deployed parent's departure. But because Sydney and Miranda seem to be verbalizing their thoughts and feelings, I'm starting to think my girls understand more than people, myself included, would generally give them credit.

We had many "prep" talks a few weeks in advance, of course, which maybe helped their understanding. Then in the two weeks before deploying, Brian went to work on the ship each day and came home, and every couple of days Sydney would ask, "Is Daddy coming home for dinner today?" She anticipated one day he wouldn't be coming home and wondered if this was the day. (We told her we'd give her a little notice, so she didn't have to worry!)

Even Miranda at times will--out of the blue--confirm that "Daddy's on a ship" in a tone that is somewhere between a statement and a question, as she positions her face directly in front of mine to get my attention, listen to my words and I suppose, read my expressions. I am always impressed when she's engaged in this special, direct way and it shows me she understands and is committing to memory more than I realized.

So rather than give Mommy extra grief, thankfully Sydney chooses to channel her thoughts of and feelings for Daddy into her crafts. (Miranda makes crafts too, but is not as interested in being creative as Sydney is, so I try to get away with doing crafts during her nap.)

Since Sydney's really into writing and mailing letters, I was excited to point out to her that we could mail letters to Daddy to make him feel better about being away from home. To encourage this, I did supply them with a few new tools to make these special letters for Daddy, including plenty of paper, blank cards, envelopes, Valentine stickers and decorations, and a few new rubber stamps--my favorites say "Snail mail" and "SWAK." Since that's literally what we're sending to Brian.

So, in the past 2 weeks, Sydney's created at least 10 different cards or letters, all of which she has placed in separate envelopes with her name sprawled in huge letters all across the front--leaving no room for an address. I'm now teaching her to leave the front blank for an address, AND trying to convince her to consolidate the cards into fewer envelopes to save on postage. And if that doesn't work, I will have to add some "Daddy wants to save a tree" logic. But I'm not sure if her artistic license will let her deviate from her creative vision and allow such logical practicality. Time will tell! (This drawing is a playground for Daddy's ship!)

And apparently even more time will tell if Brian gets his homemade treasures in time for Valentine's Day (and then his Birthday)! There is a steady stream of them on the way, so odds are good.

USS Nassau Making Headlines

2010-02-04T20:14:00.003-05:00

Today Brian informed me the local news would be covering a heartwarming story from the USS Nassau (Wavy 10 and WVEC 13). A 2-day old Haitian baby who was delivered to Brian's ship for medical care was reunited with her mother last weekend after more than a week apart.

What the news article doesn't tell you is that it is even more of a blessing that she has been able to begin breastfeeding about 10 days post-delivery. As Brian pointed out to me, this is key because this poor baby would have had little chance for survival if the mom had not been able to breastfeed; typical resources before the earthquake didn't allow for the luxury of baby formula. So, I am relieved to hear his good news, in addition to the reunion news! The article also doesn't mention what a blessing Brian is to the Nassau and to Haiti, so I will! Keep up the great work!

Gearing Up at Home

2010-02-03T09:28:00.002-05:00

If you'd have seen this image two weeks ago, maybe you'd have thought this was the flag of Japan. Nope, Brian whipped up this deployment calculator in Excel to help us track his deployment progress. I continue to find the red pie chart nothing short of alarming. It's only been 2 weeks since he left. But I imagine it'll get less overwhelming as time goes on; I guess it already is. Maybe it depends on how you look at it....after merely two weeks (and a day), Brian's chart informs me that the deployment is 8% over, which is more than half way to 10%, which just seems more substantial, so that's something, right?

Of course, I realize this logic assumes their return date isn't altered by any unforseen circumstances, such as their detour to Haiti...we shall see. I can't let myself get bogged down in the details.

At home, the girls and I have an old fashioned tool for counting down--a calendar, which Sydney crosses off each day with a pink marker, of course. Before he left, Brian also supplied us with some Hershey's kisses, and we filled a large jar with about 4 months worth of "kisses from Daddy" for both girls, with the assumption they won't get one quite every day...that'd be 209 pieces of chocolate each, which seems like too much. Besides, if these kisses are anything like vitamins, we're lucky if I remember to give them to the girls once a week.

The girls also have their "Daddy books," a photo flip book that I made with pictures we took with Brian while touring the USS Nassau to tell a simple story about where Daddy is (on his ship, the USS Nassau with Sydney's number, "4"), where he's going (Middle East), why (to help America and other countries), and when he'll be home (in the summertime, when we can go swimming).

And let's not forget their "Daddy Dolls," which generate quite a few snickers and jokes (I can still hear Jill laughing now...), but have seemed to offer quite a bit of comfort to the girls, especially with Brian's photo on the front and his 10-second voice message the girls can play on demand. They like to sit with "Daddy" in his favorite leather chair in the living room.

So, we are prepared and ready for the long haul, as much as we can be, anyway. In some ways, it's been easier than when Brian's coming and going, since I know I have to have stamina and patience to last 7 months and there's no one else who can do it for me. I don't find that the girls have been acting any differently (besides talking about Daddy's whereabouts in a good way, such as saying prayers for him). So I am thankful for that and it renews my confidence each day. But sometimes the usual daily challenges can still get to me, and family and friends have also been checking in on me quite frequently and giving me things to look forward to (like my cruise in 4.5 weeks!), which helps a lot and I really appreciate it!

"D (Deployment) Day"

2010-02-02T16:15:00.004-05:00

Brian's deployment on the USS Nassau began two weeks ago, on January 18, 2010. Family members were able to board the ship the morning of his departure, which I didn't realize is a rare opportunity. Even though we've been on the ship before for a tour, it was nice being able to walk him all the way onto the ship and for the girls to see this is where he'd be for the next 7 months--not that they understand exactly how long that is.

After spending about an hour together, we said our goodbyes slightly before we were forced to, just to end the feeling of impending loss. I think I held it together pretty well, as I usually like to--despite the fact that I'm a sympathetic crier and there were many blubbering people surrounding us.

But I was surprised by the sudden lonely, sad feeling that swelled as I walked through the gangway on my way off the ship--alone and holding both tiny girls' hands, tears streaming down my face. Never before had we left the ship without Brian and it just didn't feel right. Luckily, the cold wind whipping down the pier between the ships crossed my face and dried my tears, slapping some sense back into me. I keep telling myself about the many other military spouses who experience deployments, some many more than we'll have to experience, so we, too, will get through this temporary situation...which hopefully is bettering the world, especially since the ship was diverted to Haiti to help with earthquake relief. So, I wish him fare winds and following seas, and lots of prayers.

I'm Back!

2010-02-02T16:01:00.003-05:00

Don't know why I just haven't felt like blogging. Number one reason is, not sure my Norfolk life is all that worthy of a blog after having lived in Japan. But I guess I just need to get over that...it is what it is. Number two, if I'm honest, is too much FB! Also too busy with the girls maybe, or at least exhausted. And if I have down time after I get the daily housework done and allow myself some time, I want to spend it on my too many hobbies/projects that I've lined up for while Brian's gone. Usually I'd rather read my kindle (reading Shanghai Girls now, which is good, but a "harsh" reality), or figure out how to start sewing my first quilts/duvet covers for the girls' beds. Oh, and there's putting my past blog into book form for myself, that is definitely on my list of things to do. And I haven't even touched on the guilt I feel most days for not buckling down to earn my continuing education hours before tackling most of the above...

But I've been thinking that I've wanted to make a come back and blog to share about Brian's deployment, if for no other reason than as a keepsake for myself. And judging from the last blog, that's when I am most engaged in my blog, when I do it for myself and not for anyone else who may or may not be reading it.

But, in all honesty, thanks is in order to Kathleen, who recently pointed out that fall is long over, and winter is well on it's way, so I better get blogging...so, with a little fire under my butt, I'm back!

Fall is a Blur--Is It Over Yet?

2009-10-23T14:27:00.008-04:00

I know there are still several weeks, even months, of fall left. But when Brian's only going to be home in time for Thanksgiving and then Christmas, it seems my favorite season is all accounted for, and in some ways, all over, since he left today for nearly a month.

It's kind of ironic that I'm all but wishing fall away this year, since I usually feel it passes too quickly. Some of my favorite things about fall are the warm days and cool nights, leaves as beautiful as a vibrant sunset, the smell and sounds of dried leaves under my feet as I enjoy being outdoors, a resurgence of apple and pumpkin foods, and the string of October and November birthdays that makes the season even more nostalgic for my family.

Of course life goes on when Brian's not here. Even some fun things, for the girls and for me. For example, we have 4 friends' birthday parties to go to in the next 3 weekends. Then there's Sydney's birthday, Halloween and trick or treating, my birthday, and Miranda's birthday. And I definitely enjoy spending my evenings reading a book or watching my favorite "chick show" (Brothers and Sisters on DVD, thanks Kathleen for getting me hooked!) But fall to me is just not living up to its potential when we're not getting out with the whole family for some outside fun, to make our own family traditions, especially now that both girls are more cooperative for outings.

Well, there's hope for us this weekend, since Nana and Aunt Laura are coming to visit (to celebrate their October birthdays!) As long as it doesn't literally rain on our figurative parade, we'll go to the pumpkin patch for hayrides, a petting zoo, and bouncey houses. No need for pumpkins though, I already have a couple--literally and figuratively.

First Days of School

2009-09-19T12:14:00.012-04:00

Yes, I'm a little late to be posting about the first days of school (Sept 9 for Sydney, Sept 14 for Miranda). But we've been a little busy getting used to our new schedules and fitting in a few fun things that are new to us in the area. Not to mention the usual fights at nap time, which is my usual blogging time, along with unusually bad colds. Makes for some cranky kids and frankly, a cranky mom. But the good news is, Sydney and Miranda are both enjoying their new school, which is always a relief! Although besides a few details of her day, all I can get out of Sydney about her classmates so far, is that she plays with "two Jacks" in her class.

Here's the picture she drew on the first day of school. I thought it was awesome that she created a whole scene that went well together: sun, rain clouds, grass, flower. (I am ignoring the enormity of the flower, of course.) But I am so proud of her for attempting to write her name in freehand for the first time ever, instead of waiting for me to write it so she can trace it!

This is my favorite time of year, even before I had kids in school. So I'm hoping I'll be able to share some fun adventures with the girls even though Brian will be gone an awful lot, even missing all three of our birthdays. It's hard planning around his schedule, but we've managed to arrange some fun things to look forward to. Grammy and Grampy are coming from the Boston area to visit our home this week for the first time in more than 3 years. Then Nana's retiring at the end of this week and she and Grandpa will be able to visit more often, and they'll join us for an early birthday party for Sydney in 2 weeks.

And then there'll be a requisite fall trip to a pumpkin patch (and an apple orchard, per Sydney's request, if there is such a thing in this part of the country...although I don't think so...) And how about the annual VA wine festival in Norfolk, anyone?

Three Down...

2009-09-04T12:39:00.008-04:00

Well, Brian's coming back from his third underway very soon. So far so good, although I know the Nassau will be stepping it up soon in terms of frequency and duration of the times at sea. We definitely miss him while he's gone, but I've also gotten the feeling I can swing it, especially now that preschool is starting next week.

Speaking of which, Sydney is nearly done being 3, but will still be in the 3-year-old class, 5 days a week due to her October birthday. I went to Parents' Night last night, and I've got to say Yokosuka Co-Op Preschool will be a tough act to follow. The girls' new preschool (Miranda will go one day a week) is supposed to be one of the better ones in the area by reputation. The teachers are very experienced and I know the girls will love it there. But having a comparison now, I really appreciate our Yokosuka experience--mainly in terms of the smaller intimate size of the school, great resources, and excellent communication.

Probably in part because I'm new to the school and relatively new to the area, I have felt a little in the dark. I feel somewhat better after receiving information at the Parents' Night. But to be honest, in new uncertain situations, I know me, and I sometimes tend to sit back, make my observations, assume some things for the worst, but hope I'm wrong.

So, I started sizing up some things during the Open House today. I was on a roll with mainly good or neutral observations. We were the first to arrive. Of course, Sydney impressed her teachers--using her good manners, recognizing her written name, and stunning them with her art (which they don't know, but has improved immensely over the past year). Some other observations: most of the kids in Sydney's class are boys, 7 out of 12 kids. And three out of a class of 12 kids have the name Jack, interestingly enough.

Then I couldn't help but notice one mom of a little boy (wearing that old-fashioned, or what I call "new country-club" wear, whose blond hair happened to be longer than any of the girls in the class). This mom arrived late decked out in a fancy pant suit and then monopolized the teacher with what I assume was a balanced mix of pride and flattery, interspersed with, "we like to do the Thomas the Train Edible Arrangement platters of fruit," when talking about what her snack contribution will be. OVER THE TOP, no?

I don't want to be like that. In fact, I can't help but put myself in the teachers' shoes and it almost makes me feel embarrassment on behalf of this mom. But...there's still this overwhelming sense of competition that people like that arise in me. It's part insecurity, in all honesty. But the other more productive part is wanting to be ambitious enough on behalf of my child--to advocate for her--so she will be recognized and get the attention she deserves.

Well, I only have "three down"--this is only preschool and the beginning of a long haul of wanting the best education for my children. I realize I will always have to stifle my insecurities and just be my plain, yet hopefully down-to-earth, self while some overzealous parents try to steal the show. It is at times like these when I can learn from my three-year old--who is outgoing, smart, and self-confident, with the perfect amount of eagerness to please. I know Sydney and Miranda will always be their own best advocates, making my anxiety a moot point, my job a lot easier, and my own pride bordering on obnoxious, I know.

Dining Out in Norfolk

2009-08-17T11:16:00.003-04:00

Brian and I have Jill to thank for making it to the "dining out" formal dinner last Friday for Brian's new command, the USS Nassau. (And for the photo, which was the only one we got all night, regrettably!)

And we're happy it was really dining "in" as it was pouring outside.

Otherwise, we knew what to expect since we'd been to our first dining out less than two years ago for the hospital command in Japan. We weren't sure if we should expect this one to be a little more traditional than one through a medical command. But it was about the same. Good thing, because my college roommate's husband, Don scared me a little when he described the gross grog he'd experienced, complete with candy bars floating in it--you may imagine what they represented. Our versions (both alcoholic and nonalcoholic) were fruity punches and only alluded to this tradition in that they were served in a child's potty, hopefully one that had never been used.

Spouses are usually not put on the spot to drink from the grog, which is a form of ceremonial public humiliation in jest (a sort of hazing, really, especially since rumor had it the nonalcoholic version tasted particularly nasty). So luckily, I enjoyed sips of table wine and port for the series of formal and informal toasts throughout the night, but Brian finally had to partake of the grog near the end of the evening. Mr. Vice (sort of the MC of the evening) summoned Brian by calling out "Doc!" as he went around the room and singled out the few who hadn't gathered around the grog yet. At least there was strength in numbers. Despite the "Captain Stubing" uniforms, as you can imagine, this is no Love Boat.

Fitting in with "the Real Navy"

2009-08-14T08:19:00.004-04:00

In largely general terms, there's the sense in the Navy that people who have worked their way up through the ranks in the "real Navy" look lightly on those who "slid" into officer's jobs easily (like Brian). And even more than that, military and war-related commands seem to exude a VIP attitude over auxiliary commands (those serving the needs of the "real Navy's" family, like Medical).

But who can blame them? The "real Navy" is a tough workplace. Being lower in the chain of command could leave anyone feeling powerless. You earn less money. You get less recognition. You are following the many rules at work and the Navy even has control of many of your actions outside of work. For example, lower enlisted ranks are not allowed to own cars on bases overseas. And, if you're caught in adultury or drinking-related violations, you're kicked out and lose your job (thankfully, this is true for enlisted and officers alike!) Not that I'm condoning these actions, but would your civilian employer even find out and more importantly, would they care if it wasn't happening at work?

Of course the "real Navy" may also include people who have crossed over from enlisted to officer by earning college degrees, usually while working without the carefree luxuries of many typical college students.

Most of the "real Navy" folks commit 20+ years until they retire. This career will yield some recognition slowly but surely as they rise through the ranks, if they keep to the straight and narrow, flying under the radar. They'll earn a pension and full medical benefits for life for their families. They may explore the world as they PCS (Permanent Change of duty Station; it's code for "moving") every 1 to 3 years. It's very admirable that they serve their country with their entire lives, working often in the bowels of ships, deploying in wartime, leaving families behind, even getting wounded (or worse--killed).

But then again, where else would, for example, a shooter or a cryptologist find civilian work? They're stuck in the military with their very military-specific specialties. It's a life that they chose, but somewhere along the way, this life chose them and there is no turning back. They are the "real Navy" whether they like it or not.

But maybe if you only look at things on these general terms, there will always be a "them" and "us" attitude within the Navy. It seems the only way to deal with this undercurrent is to try to ignore it because it is not productive. And then interact with humility and respect on a personal level, which is one of Brian's strong suits. In other words, he's not your typical doctor or your typical "slider."

And if I ever find out there's a spouse's group on Brian's ship, I hope they realize I'm down-to-earth, too. Many great mentors in the COMPASS program (Navy spouses mentoring newer spouses about the military ways of life) have shown me that there is always something other than--and more important than--rank to relate us. Then there's my friend Kathy, who is not your typical Captain's wife, and maybe the best testimony to this is the fact that she's my only friend who's a Captain's wife. But what I admire most about her is the way she mingles with everyone, reaches out to those who need it, and finds something in common. I'm hoping it's a skill and not a gift...so there's hope for me. I know it's too much to ask to find someone like her in Norfolk.

I Can't Keep a Secret

2009-08-05T21:58:00.000-04:00

Don't worry friends, I hope you know by now big secrets I can keep. Especially if you tell me not to tell. But the small seemingly harmless ones I find really hard to keep under wraps.

I hear now that Brian's on a ship, we're not allowed to talk about his scheduled (or unscheduled) comings and goings, particularly on the phone or in email. Operational Security. Sounds like a big secret? Maybe. But no one (except the AFN commercial I watched continually for three years in Japan) has told me directly to keep my mouth shut...

Maybe it was in the welcome packet?

As friends and family try to gauge how lonely I am by Brian's schedule, it's putting a real damper in my usual run-of-the-mouth conversations. Not to mention their plans to visit me (or us). And more importantly, the ship's schedule is always changing, so I can't even find out up-to-date information from Brian when he calls or emails while underway.

So, I've decided (at Jill's suggestion) that Brian and I need a secret code. I don't know why I didn't think of it. We'll get right on that. Just please don't ask when--I might tell you. I've already slipped up saying things like, "when Brian's back on Friday," or "see you tomorrow." And then I found myself wondering--someone might be listening to little old me. Imagine that. It might be the only time I've ever hoped not.

Isn't it Ironic?

2009-08-04T18:44:00.001-04:00

Now that Brian is immersed more deeply into the real Navy, it's funny to me that I would feel so out of touch with military life while in Norfolk--the largest Navy base on the East Coast.

Coming from Japan, even though we lived off base the whole time, we relied on the base community. I was pleasantly surprised by the close relationships that developed from day one merely because we were thrown together in the same foreign circumstances and needed to help each other. But even though we've lived in Norfolk before, I still don't exactly know how to connect with any military services beyond the PPO (the VIPS in charge of getting your stuff back to you). I can't even seem to find the closest pool.

I feel like trying to blend back into the civilian world since that was my identity last time I lived here. Although I was working full-time and didn't have children for most of those two years. But I am a military spouse, I'm not working, and I can only shop so much with two nagging small children. So, what am I to do with myself?

Unpack. Which will take quite a while.

Then if one presents itself and I can swing it with Brian gone so much, I'd love to have a part-time job as an RD/diabetes educator. But until then, I'm hoping to start by meeting a friend or two in the other moms at Sydney's preschool once it gets started in another month. So far, she's been going occasionally to the summer program there, but everyone's coming and going at different times so I haven't met any other parents.

Anyway, it was at this preschool where I first decided how strange it is to have such an apparent lack of structure (that is, military bureaucracy) in my everyday dealings. First, before Sydney started this casual summer daycare program, I needed no orientation--let alone one only offered at certain inconvenient times. Then, I showed up at 8am Monday without a reservation, which was no problem, and left Sydney until 4pm while the movers were unloading. Finally, I packed her lunch for the day, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, with reckless abandonment for any allergy sufferers.

It is somewhat liberating and refreshing to have some of the restrictions of typical Navy life suddenly lifted, at least in regard to daycare/preschool! But I honestly felt a little unnerved, too. Without an official orientation, I felt like I didn't have enough information about how to prepare Sydney and her things since I didn't ask enough questions, which was confirmed when I showed up without a sheet for the bed at nap time. And maybe it's the dietitian in me, but I actually felt a little worried that someone might have a peanut allergy (not enough to ask about it though, since there are so few things Sydney will eat and I was glad to be able to pack PB&J for her!)

I realize I've come to rely on things being done a certain way in the Navy. And as much as I complain about the rules most times, I stopped today to at least appreciate the dependability they can offer in some times of uncertainty--the world's and mine. Now if I could just get that welcome packet we've requested three times, I'll know how to plug myself into Brian's command.

The Honeymoon is Over

2009-07-28T15:02:00.001-04:00

I can't deny it any longer, I am a Navy spouse. For more than five years, I've never really felt like one. Yes, we've been in the Navy all of our married years, but Brian's part of the medical community, which historically is not viewed as the real Navy. Let's face it, the real Navy requires time and sacrifice and we haven't done our share of either yet.

Even living overseas in Japan, we were together as a family all but one month. I realized we were lucky to be enjoying the experience together and counted my blessings, while many of my friends from other commands were alone more often than not. But something tells me these next two years of Brian's ship duty will indoctrinate me into their way of life, if only temporarily (hopefully). And it is because of them and their continual courage that I think I will be able to approach this journey a little more positively.

Let's start with the fact that I am glad to be back in Norfolk and to be able to experience a whole new side of this city--with two children this time. But if you know me, brace yourselves for a few rants now and then--after all, I'll often be a "single" mom with two young children. Who can blame me?